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I’m too scared to even look through your phone anymore. Even if I’m curious .. I don’t want to get hurt again ..

I think I’m being reasonable to be mad and upset. I AM being reasonable.

I still feel like a hole was punched through my chest .. I hate that I have to act like I’m okay.

힘들다.. 마음이 답답하고 아파.. 힘들어.

Something so little can get me broken down. I feel stupid for being so jealous .. I’ve never felt anything like this before. Jealousy, hatred or anything near this kind of hatred towards a person. I hate her. I’m jealous of her and I hate her. I didn’t mean to look through your messages but when I saw her name I prayed that I wished it wasn’t her.. Why do you still talk to her .. You say it’s been almost a year and you have no feelings. Then why do you talk to her … What is there to talk about. Idk how your relationship with her went but I don’t think you have a reason to talk to your ex unless you still have feelings.. And she texted how did you know I wasn’t sleeping. That just instantly told me you texted her first…
I hate being this hurt. It’s so stressful and I cry every night to sleep. There hasn’t been a day I didn’t cry myself to sleep ..

I feel like dying. I hate my life and everything is getting me so depressed. Something I wrote earlier: I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over this … No matter how much I tell myself it’s just the past, I get hung up on it. I accept it. I know it already happened and I can’t do anything about it but it just .. Ugh how do I say this.. 맘에걸려.. 답답하고 아파.. But I don’t want you stressing over it so I just keep it to myself. I cry sometimes randomly from suddenly thinking about it and over thinking too much. But I have to cry, texting you like nothing’s happening. I’ve always wanted to find my reason of why I broke down .. when you told me. It was jealousy. Ever since summer I’ve been hanging around with my guy friends. I’ve always been more comfortable around guys and we’re all close. They always talked about her. And as a girl, I got jealous. Every time her name is brought up to me like I’m supposed to have her and the stuff said about her stuck in my head. After that I didn’t really care cause I didn’t know her. But after you told me that, I just broke down. I was jealous of her. And I was jealous that she was able to have that special moment of losing hers to you and you losing it to her. I’ve always wanted something special like that with someone I loved but what’s done is done. I don’t regret anything. Cause I do love you. I do. But she just has everything.. and it bothers me. Call me greedy or selfish but I just feel that way. Sometimes when I lay on your bed, I just feel depressed.. Over thinking things. Thinking and imagining the things you guys did on the same bed I’m laying on every time I’m with you. It hurts. It’s hard to hold back my tears but I do. Too choked up on my feelings so I let it out at home alone. I just lay down thinking of everything and I keep telling myself that you love me and I love you and that’s all that matters at that moment .. But it just always finds it’s way in my head and attempts to break me down … I want to talk to someone about this and just let it out. I’m so tired of choking up all these feelings and bottling it up inside of me. I feel like I’m going to explode.. I wish I never knew …